Topic: Erik

I don't know what to do, where to go, who to turn to. I just cry and cry, my heart is really hurting. I love him, but  it's over now. Since July 4, 2007, on and off. But we've been fighting all the time now. It really hurts me so bad when he say he is falling out love with me, that he's stuck with me because I am pregnant with his kid, but after the baby is born, it's over. He tells me to not bring people in our problems, but he tell his friend he is going to leave me after the baby is born. And that is really embarrassing.

What am I to do? I'm always depressed, I don't feel my life going anywhere. How is my baby going to be happy if I'm not. Especially having nothing, how can I provide for my child. How can my own child be able to love me if I am who I am? I don't know what to do. It's hard to set my mind and acknowledge that I have no one. I'm poor and homeless. I don't know how I'll make it in this world. I don't want to give up my child, but what can I do?

I'm a worthless nobody. Who wants a mother that is a worthless nobody? How can I go on. I try and try all the time, my best is not good enough. I'm only a failure. I failed to be a good girlfriend, I failed at everything, like school and work, and I'm bound to fail everything else, like being a mother. I just don't feel anyone cares, I'm always pushed away. Even at times I feel lonely, I try to talk to someone, but I'm always shut down. I feel alone, unworthy of love and happiness.

Why can't I be someone? Anyone but myself? I hate myself and the life I live. Why didn't God just take me when I tried killing my self? Why make me miserable? I was bound to be unhappy I know, ever since what happened with my dad. I wish this was all a horrible nightmare, but it's not.

It's all real. I am worthless and a nobody, unworthy of love, happiness, and everything else. It's me all on my own.